Cuisinart Chef's Classic Fry Pan 14": $28.24

Cuisinart Chef's Classic Stainless 14-Inch Open Skillet with Helper Handle

Get your Stir-Fry on with this classicly trained piece of metal. Go extreme on some green beans, peas, carrots and baby corn with your favorite protein product of veg-friendly tofu. Your friends will notice that nice glow from your skin and shimmer in your eye when you put down the processed foods and start cooking food that is actually essential to your well-being.

This pan could change your life, and the "tight fitting stainless covers seal in moisture and nutrients for healthier, more flavorful results." Sexy.

Mortal Kombat : $39.99 Amazon

The owners of the Mortal Kombat franchise have finally listened : no more "enchanced" 3D fighting planes or plain, PG-13 fatalities. Finally. F$ck.

We are back to what made Mortal Kombat great : the classic 2D fighting plane, the same great characters and the gory and graphic fatalities. 

Now you can enjoy this goodness for only $39.99 @ Amazon. Better than those suckers that paid $59.99 on the release day. 

Jelly Belly : 35% off

Jelly Belly 35% Off : Use Code 35YEARS

Mother-f$ckin' jelly beans! These hilarious candies are now a full 35% off at the Jelly Belly site. You have to love it when companies put faces and personalities to the food that you consume. You almost feel bad eating these adorable and sugary creatures.

All you need to make this ultimate deal complete is some fancy glass bowls and a room full of snooty people having awkward conversations. Well, that is how I imagine a party based around Jelly Belly Jelly Beans would be... quite bland, with the only flavor within the interesting beans!

Maybe your imagination creates a party full of people shotgunning beers, taking shots and cramming jelly beans up their noses.. you sick f$ck!

Whatever Jelly Bean party may ensue, you can rest easy knowing you saved 35%.

Amazon 5GB Cloud Drive : FREE

Amazon Online Cloud Storage!

Yo, what up?

Clouds are up there... yeah. Well, clouds are the new "it" term in tech and Amazon is offering you some cloud storage! It really isn't that magical (a hard-drive that someone else is footing the bill for)... but Amazon is offering a free 5GB of online storage to free up your hard-drive. Enjoy a hard-drive service by Amazon and their bajillion computers making this the most reliable storage you will probably ever have.

Back-In-Time-Pro-Tip:
You should have invested in cloud-computing companies about a year ago... (see 3PAR)

Pro-Tip for Modern Times:
MP3 Album 20 GB Upgrade
Buy an album or song on Amazon and you will be upgraded to 20GB of storage.
You can get it for .69... the old school price of a Taco Bell taco!

Cell Phone UV Sanitizer: $9.95

Small Electronics UV Sanitizer : $9.95

Attention all clean freaks! Yes, that means you Mr. and/or Mrs. OCD.

This product wants to cure your fear for all the unknown bacteria and germs in the world! Did you know the warmth of your phone creates the perfect environment for germs to live? Now just consider how many germs may be lurking there (oh, the horror!!!!). And yes, these last two sentences came directly from the product description. What a great narrative to make you afraid to use your cell phone!

Never touch your phone again... you will DIE. You must sanitize your phone in 5 minutes (yes, 5 minutes) with this product for the sanitizing to be effective. The time you spend everyday sanitizing your phone will be greater than the time spent in the hospital to cure the devastating infection you might contract from using your cell phone sans UV scrubbing.

But we know fear drives your decisions... BUY this before it is TOO LATE!

10 Piece Towel Set : $15

10 Piece Towel Set : $15

My god, I can't believe it. Towels, and they are on SALE. And, this all happens right in the powerful interwebs of everyone's favorite mega-retailer : WALMART.

Spill some blood over your hate for Walmart and then quickly clean up the mess with this beautiful assortment of 10 towels in almost any imaginable color (if your imagination has a capacity of 8) : Death metal black, bacterial infection green, chaotic-neutral grey, and "i'm trying to mask my inner demon with this WHITE" are the most popular choices.

3 Years of Unlimited Web Hosting - .99 cents

http://www.hostable.com/

I have nothing to say. Just get this deal if you want the cheapest web hosting you will ever pay for. They want to get their name known so they are offering this deal which is technically "free" but requires a .99 cent transaction to verify your identity.

Unlimited everything: e-mail accounts, domain names, traffic, space, sql databases.

GET IT! IF you don't you're a FOOL!

If you pay with a credit card you have to make sure to cancel the recurring fee before the 3 year mark. But, if you use paypal it is only a one-time bill.