Amazon 5GB Cloud Drive : FREE

Amazon Online Cloud Storage!

Yo, what up?

Clouds are up there... yeah. Well, clouds are the new "it" term in tech and Amazon is offering you some cloud storage! It really isn't that magical (a hard-drive that someone else is footing the bill for)... but Amazon is offering a free 5GB of online storage to free up your hard-drive. Enjoy a hard-drive service by Amazon and their bajillion computers making this the most reliable storage you will probably ever have.

Back-In-Time-Pro-Tip:
You should have invested in cloud-computing companies about a year ago... (see 3PAR)

Pro-Tip for Modern Times:
MP3 Album 20 GB Upgrade
Buy an album or song on Amazon and you will be upgraded to 20GB of storage.
You can get it for .69... the old school price of a Taco Bell taco!

Cell Phone UV Sanitizer: $9.95

Small Electronics UV Sanitizer : $9.95

Attention all clean freaks! Yes, that means you Mr. and/or Mrs. OCD.

This product wants to cure your fear for all the unknown bacteria and germs in the world! Did you know the warmth of your phone creates the perfect environment for germs to live? Now just consider how many germs may be lurking there (oh, the horror!!!!). And yes, these last two sentences came directly from the product description. What a great narrative to make you afraid to use your cell phone!

Never touch your phone again... you will DIE. You must sanitize your phone in 5 minutes (yes, 5 minutes) with this product for the sanitizing to be effective. The time you spend everyday sanitizing your phone will be greater than the time spent in the hospital to cure the devastating infection you might contract from using your cell phone sans UV scrubbing.

But we know fear drives your decisions... BUY this before it is TOO LATE!

10 Piece Towel Set : $15

10 Piece Towel Set : $15

My god, I can't believe it. Towels, and they are on SALE. And, this all happens right in the powerful interwebs of everyone's favorite mega-retailer : WALMART.

Spill some blood over your hate for Walmart and then quickly clean up the mess with this beautiful assortment of 10 towels in almost any imaginable color (if your imagination has a capacity of 8) : Death metal black, bacterial infection green, chaotic-neutral grey, and "i'm trying to mask my inner demon with this WHITE" are the most popular choices.

3 Years of Unlimited Web Hosting - .99 cents

http://www.hostable.com/

I have nothing to say. Just get this deal if you want the cheapest web hosting you will ever pay for. They want to get their name known so they are offering this deal which is technically "free" but requires a .99 cent transaction to verify your identity.

Unlimited everything: e-mail accounts, domain names, traffic, space, sql databases.

GET IT! IF you don't you're a FOOL!

If you pay with a credit card you have to make sure to cancel the recurring fee before the 3 year mark. But, if you use paypal it is only a one-time bill.

Fender Acoustic Guitar Starter Pack : $39.12

Starcaster by Fender Acoustic Guitar Starter Pack, Natural

This thing is cheap as sh$t. You even get free shipping. Sure, it probably sounds a little bit on the crappy side.. but come on, it's less than $40 f#cking dollars. This will be the cheapest hobby you ever pick up for a month-or-two after you re-sell it on Craigslist for the same price you bought it at. We know you never finish anything you start, and playing guitar will just be like all your other would-be hobbies.

7 LED Head Lamp : $1 + Free Shipping

http://1saleaday.com/wireless/

Become a night-time treasure hunter or spelunker for only $1. With all the amazing treasure you can find at night in your hometown, I am sure this measly $1 investment will pay off once it arrives at your doorstep. Examples of treasure you might find at night include : used heroin needles, empty bottles of Cruzan rum, half-full King Cobra malt liquor and the ever popular used condom.

Crest 3D White Advanced Vivid Whitestrips, 28-Count Box : $15.54

Crest 3D White Advanced Vivid Whitestrips, 28-Count Box
Note: You have to change the buying choice on the right and change it to Amazon. Jerks are hiding it. Also have to add the $5 coupon to the cart from the page.

3D is everyone. First it started back with movies, then your home TV, followed by the PS3 and the Nintendo 3DS, and finally the wait is over... your teeth are in glorious 3D!

This product is perfect for people with bad habits. By buying this you are admitting you f$ck up your body on purpose with one or more of the following vices.

1. Smoke way too many cigarettes.
2. Drink way too much coffee and soda.
3. Downing Skittles like you have your own Skittles tree nested in your apartment.
4. Paint your teeth with yellow acrylic paint as a hobby.

Buy this, we know you are flawed... try to make yourself perfect again.

Family Game Night Kit : $10

Family Game Night Kit : $10 : Walmart : Free Site-to-Store Shipping

Relive your childhood with this Family Game Night Kit from Walmart. Rediscover those memories of your father and mother from when you were younger : smelling like booze, arguing about bills, and acting crazy due to the discovery of pharmaceutical prescriptions.

You sure didn't have a CLUE when you were younger and they sure haven't said SORRY. But you can always Scrabble SLAM them to all your friends or perhaps strike a Monopoly DEAL with them with some classic blackmail.

Personalized Mickey Mouse Apron : $7.99 + Other Sales

Personalized Mickey/Minnie Mouse Apron : $7.99 + Free Shipping

For free shipping you have to add this $1.49 green mickey bag and use code CASTLE at checkout.

Announcer: "You just won the Super Bowl, what are you going to do next?"

YOU: "I am going to Disney World!"

Well, you didn't win the Super Bowl and your funds are quite low at this moment, so that trip isn't happening anytime soon! I have the perfect compromise here. You are still #winning at life, so why not celebrate by donning an awesome Mickey Mouse themed apron with your name customized on it? There is also a patriotic Mickey option if you feel like screaming USA! USA! USA! through your apron-wear while grilling meats. You will be at the height of your fashion game this upcoming 4th of July.

Ladies (and feminine gentlemen), do not fret, I also have you covered: there is a Minnie Mouse apron. And people with dwarfism, there are kid options as well... $2 cheaper!! Yeaaaaa!

And there are a sh$t-load of other items from sale. They have everything ranging from a Nightmare Before 7-Piece Set to a Light-Up TRON Journal (this could be a post on its own... hrmmm)

Bi-Winning Tiger Blood - $4

Tiger Blood : $4

Dying is for fools, and once you ingest this tiger blood you become invulnerable and start bi-winning all over the place.

GREAT FOR:
48-hour benders, being current on twitter hash tags and general warlock mischief.

Also possesses the ability to cure "trollism".

7' CAT5e Ethernet Cable $1 + Free Shipping

7' CAT5e Ethernet Cable $1 + Free Shipping

The internets is here! You can transfer electronic bits from your computer box to another computer box and create a digital you! Enjoy this fun filled world with this creatively colored world-wide-web-enabling electronics cable.

Your friends will think you are so radical when they come over and notice your internet bits are traveling through a sky-ocean-blue electronic cable. It shows how much of a free spirit you are!

Häagen-Dazs : Free Midnight Dazzler Ice Cream

Häagen-Dazs : Free Midnight Dazzler Ice Cream

CONGRATULATIONS!

You have stumbled upon the fountain of fat! The midnight dazzler will further bedazzle your belly into extreme poochiness. Mmmmm, so delicious... full of midnight cookies & cream ice cream LAYERED with hot fudge and cookies.

Steps:

1: Join their "club" on Facebook.
2: Use your spam e-mail to fill out generic form.
3: Receive and print your coupon to extreme caloric intake!

Pinky & The Brain: ($14.99)

Pinky and the Brain, Vol. 1
Pinky and the Brain, Vol. 2
Pinky and the Brain, Vol. 3

Your guide to world domination in convenient DVD format. I would make some juvenile joke about "Pinky & The Brain," but I will let your brain process that however you would like... a "Choose Your Own Adventure," how fun!!

They also have Animaniacs on sale, but I don't think it would be that great of a deal if you factor in the amount of Adderall you would have to consume to get through each of those episodes.

All seasons are $14.99 at Amazon.. NARF!

Lucky Charms Cereal (3 Pack) : $6

Lucky Charms Cereal, 11.5-Ounce Boxes (Pack of 3)
Use Subscribe and Save and Code KELRTEC2.

Just in time for St. Patricks Day. What a deal to behold. All you need to be ultra-festive is a 24-pack of Guinness to go along with this cereal to create the ultimate St. Patrick's Day pre-game party.

Your Pre-Game Party Plan:

Step 1: Have you cereal delivered to your doorstep.
Step 2: Feel weird about having 3 boxes of cereal delieverd to your doorstep.
Step 3: Place cereal on a table with a green picnic table cloth.
Step 5: Invite 5 of your closest friends over on March 17.
Step 4: Poor cereal into 6 different green colored bowls.
Step 6: Open 1 Guinness per person and poor into cereal bowls.
Step 7: Consume said beer and cereal.
Step 8: Repeat Steps 4-7 until you are drunk or until only 6 beers remain.
Step 8: Go out to your local pub, drink green beer and act like an a$$hole.
Step 9: All come back and eat another round of Lucky and Guinness.
Step 10: Wake up with shame and regret.

Playstation 3 + $50 Amazon GC : $299

PlayStation 3 160 GB

It is the the deal that just keeps on giving. A PS3... you know, that magical device that does it all with no lame Xbox Live monthly subscription. Plus it looks like it is from the future as opposed to the lame stylings of the Xbox 360 and the Wii.

Stream your Netflix, watch blu-ray movies (in 3d if you are fancy enough to have a new 3d-enabled TV), surf the internet, or just listen to some music. This device lets everyone know that you are on top of your technology game.

I guess it also plays games...

Udi's Gluten Free Granola (3 pack) : $10.33

Udi's Gluten Free Granola, Original, 12-Ounce Pouches (Pack of 3)

Udi's Original Granola, 13-Ounce Bags (Pack of 6)

Use code UDISO311 at checkout and subscribe and save.

This Granola is just about free of anything you can think of : Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Soy Free and Egg Free. Perfect for the person in your life who is allergic to everything. You know, that person who can not leave the house, has extreme social anxiety, and needs to vigorously clean at all hours in the day.

And, Udi's is a family-run business (f$ck corporate America) in Denver, Colorado, the new and upcoming hippie capital of the faux west-coast. .We are also pleased to hear that all the honey comes from a family of beekeepers in Colorado. I am guessing honey always comes from bees, so why the f$ck should I care? You can sleep soundly knowing you are supporting your favorite beekeepers in Colorado... perhaps this should come with a Beekeepers Association of Colorado sticker so you can slap this on your fixie bike or hybrid car.

Matchbox Action Truck : $5.25

Matchbox Action Truck @ Stage Stores $5.25 + Free Shipping

This truck proves things.

It proves that bigger is better and louder. Hell yeah. F$ck the haters.

This "assortment incorporates great manipulative play, tough and rugged looks". What the f$ck are we buying here? Is this an evil genius with tough and rugged good looks or just a childrens toy? Apparently this Truck will take on a life of its own once it is shipped to you.

This is also suitable for outdoor play, trucky loves to get his nature on!

ZICO Coconut Water (12-Pack) : $12.75

ZICO Pure Premium Coconut Water, Passion Fruit, 11.2-Ounce Tetra Paks (Pack of 12)

Coconut water is all the rage, man. Enjoy the preferred nectar of men and women trapped on deserted islands in the comfort of your air-conditioned home. You don't want to be left out of this trend! This shit has five essential electrolytes and more potassium than a banana. F&ck yeah!

Amazon has this delicious hangover cure or post-workout cure (depending on your level of ambition) for $12.75 if you use subscribe and save. And, with subscribe and save, all you have to do is cancel it after it ships and you won't get another shipment (take that, Amazon!)

Rubbermaid 24-Piece Food Storage : $10

Rubbermaid Easy Find Lid 24-Piece Food Storage Container Set

You must eat, unless you are a cyborg. Wait, even if you ARE a cyborg you have to eat. Your diet would consist of the blended up remains of nondescript living creatures and plants fed into your body through a complicated tubing system. So you can even store your blended up animal/plant remains in your refrigerator with this convenient storage system.

The assholes at Rubbermaid say this is a "24-piece" system : NOPE, that includes lids, so you are only getting 12 pieces + 12 lids (thanks a lot jerks).

This is still a great deal, especially because these containers have "super-clarified bases" for x-treme HD viewing of your leftover fridge contents... pull up that lounger, open the fridge and watch your food go bad in glorious-crystal-clear 5080P viewing!!!

Free Thief Lupin App : iPhone

The Apple iTunes Store has Thief Lupin for free today.

Let me see, why am I posting this exactly? I don't own an iPhone and I am not a fan of Apple, iPads, Mac OSX, or Steve Job's turtlenecks and overly fanatical introduction of products (don't hate!). But hell, this is free, and owner of Apple products deserve a break when it comes to pricing.

Maybe I just want you to download this game and get immensely frustrated. It is a platform game that involves small puzzles where you die often. Those games are the epitome of annoying!

Mwahhahaha.

Xbox Live Gold Card : 12 Months : $39.99

Xbox 360 12 Month Live Gold Card

If you never want to leave your house again and still have social contact with other people then the Xbox Live Gold Card is your top product choice. Spend endless hours lurking Facebook through your Xbox, watching all the classics on Netflix from your bean bag chair, and engage in shit-talking to 14 year olds as you blast their faces off in Call of Duty.

Note: Does not come with a supply of Jolt Cola, Ramen or a hot plate to heat up said Ramen. You will still have to make trips to the kitchen and bathroom.

Second Note: This is the cheapest this card will most likely ever be, Microsoft is such an asshole and keeps upping the price of a service that really should be free. $59.99 is the MSJP "manufacturers suggested jerk price".

Third Note: If you want to start complete social isolation supplement Xbox Live with an MMORPG such as World of Warcraft.

National Georgraphic for 1 year : $10

Did you read that? The only way to become a true hipster is to READ MORE. If you are so inclined you can buy this subscription then tattoo the "READ MORE" saying on your hands to show off your knowledge swagger with the money you saved.

Bonus thrift points if you get this tattoo done for free at a friends house.

National Geographic: 1 year: $10

Harry Potter Pop-Up Book : $6.99

Harry Potter: A Pop-Up Book: Based on the Film Phenomenon

Harry Potter: Loved by a range of people from children to old aging hipsters.
Pop-Up Books: If you hate pop-up books you might be going to hell.

Together this is pretty amazing for only $6.99 ... AND it comes with a couple posters!

2 Fandago Movie Tickets : $9

It is 2011, the war of the group buying sites has just begun, and all of North America reaps the benefits. The latest broad-based deal is LivingSocial offering 2 movie tickets at Fandago for only $9. Value of up to $15 per ticket

You can't go to the movies any cheaper unless you use your Star Wars force powers on the movie theater ticket collector and convince him you are OK to pass.

Warning: using force powers on unassuming citizens may cause temporary blindness.

Turtles in a Half Shell : XBOX Power!

XBOX Live Marketplace is offering the classic goodness of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game for only 200 XBOX points. (This translates to $2.50 for regularly priced cards for those too lazy to convert these magical points into real $$$$$)

I wish I had a cool sub-deal to post for pizza and anchovies or perhaps a side deal of rat-poison... Splinter gets on my nerves!

Why is Chipotle so crowded? Buy One Get One Free!

Just in case you have been in a cave or have not noticed your Facebook friends news feeds you can get a nice BOGO coupon at http://www.facebook.com/americasnextgreatrestaurant.

How to get this deal:

Just "Like" the page, watch some video about how amazing Chipotle is, and ponder how life-changing this recycled reality show will become. Shortly thereafter you can then print out a coupon and ruin the earth one piece of paper and ink blot at a time.

After this entire process make sure to "Unlike" the page or your friends will judge you for being a fan of reality TV.

Heart Palpitating Red Bull! $32.85/24-pack

**This deal has expired.

Amazon is offering up a deal that will allow you to fuel your nights of caffeine-driven hysteria/rage for only $1.37 per designer 8.4 oz can of Red Bull.

At $32.85 for a 24-pack, you can create a MTV Cribs-Esque fridge full of your favorite energy drink or double your consumption and health problems at around half the price!

You may not be rolling in dough, but your fridge will be fooled.

Red Bull Energy Drink, 8.4-Ounce Cans (Pack of 24) : $32.85